Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
