Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
