I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
