no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
