I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
