I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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