I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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