The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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