i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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