Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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