like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
