Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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