Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
