I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
