ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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