well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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