This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
