He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
