Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will be naked everywhere
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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