I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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