he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
