Soap is not a condiment
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
