giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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