Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
