census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i will never coherently bang her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
