WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
