Ambien. No doubt about it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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