forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
