why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
