What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
