also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
