I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
