I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tequila makes me forget i have legs
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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