Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
