Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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