I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
