after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
