I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
