OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
