how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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