i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
