i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
