It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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