People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
