D3 body, D1 cock
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
