i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My life is pants optional.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize