They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
