jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
