Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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