We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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