Your dad touched me again.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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