new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
