i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
