RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
