we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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