the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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