Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
