is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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