im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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