I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
