so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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