If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
