After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
