I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
