dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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