I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
