My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
