whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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