i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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