Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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