so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize