I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
