Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
