My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
