dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize