Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
