FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
