ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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