i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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