Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
